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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Does your mood affect your writing?

I'm curious. I woke up in a foul mood today. Really dark and ugly, even though it's Easter. There was also the intro to a story brewing in my mind and since i was all alone in the house I dashed to the computer and started typing out what my muse was tossing at me.
After a bit I got dressed and went out to run some errands and enjoy the holiday with my kids. I just got home and checked over what I'd written earlier. I was shocked. It's an ugly piece. Powerful but intensely dark and moody. I tried working on it a bit more and couldn't find the groove. My mood has improved after spending the day with the kids gobbling down chocolate and I couldn't get the vibe back. My frame of mind is playful and happy right now so what I was adding on didn't fit in with what I wrote earlier at all.
This happens to me sometimes. My writing tends to mirror my mood. If I'm happy my characters are happy. When I'm mad, people in my stories tend to get tortured or end up dead. Sad times show themselves in my writing as well. My emotions tend to bleed off into my characters lives and into the plot.
My question is this for the writers and readers out there.
Writers - Does your mood affect your writing? If so, how?
Readers - Does your mood affect what type of book you want to read? Are there certain things you pick out based on your mood at the moment?

I guess I'll have to wait a bit to work more on my current piece and find something happy and fun to work on in the meanwhile. I actually have a short story I wrote while in a very bad mood that was recently acceptedas part of the "She Who Must Be Obeyed" anthology (edited by D.L. King) due out in July, right before my birthday. It's nice to know that dark, or edgy pieces can be chosen by editors. I wasn't sure about it when I sent submitted to the call.
For a look at what my characters get up to when I'm feeling grouchy you can check out the anthology in July from Lethe Press. Here is the coming soon Amazon link. The book is Fem Dom Lesbian Erotica. I just read through my author e copy and the book is full of some amazing authors both old and new. I'm super excited to be a part of it.

Due out July 7th - http://www.amazon.com/She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed/dp/1590212495

Beth Wylde

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Beef Curtains, The Mork, and Kick-Fucking

E. A. Black writer dark fiction and horror. Elizabeth Black writes erotica and erotic romance. You may find E. A. on her Amazon Author Page, and you may find Elizabeth at her Amazon Author Page. She is available on Facebook and Twitter as well.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've heard 'em all. Muff diving. Eating the the "Y". Carpet munching. Flogging the bishop. Patting the Robertson. Beating off. Blow job. Cock sucking. These are synonyms for cunnilingus, male masturbation, and fellatio, respectively. It's always good to mix up your terms to you don't get stuck using the same words over and over again. Same ole, same ole gets to be very boring very quickly.

That said, I bet you've never heard these terms before for certain types of sexual practices. Try using a few of these in your erotic stories. Warning – that link is definitely NOT safe for work.

Arabian Goggles
A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.

Beef Curtain
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.

The Corkscrew
Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a drill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.

Daisy Chain
Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.

Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.

The Mork
Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)

A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.

The Motorboat
While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.

A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.

Pearl Necklace
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.

A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.

The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.

Tea Bag
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise. (Certain conservative Americans were unaware of this practice when they coined themselves "Teabaggers". Bahaha!)

You can find all kinds of bizarre sexual fetish practices on the internet. Everything from figging to scat to golden showers. It depends how far you are willing to go. Me? I'm rather vanilla but it's good to know this kind of stuff exists.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Facebook Group

          I’m currently starting a new Facebook page catering to readers that enjoy hearing about new releases in e-books, as well as audios. The Facebook group that I belong to now is strictly a family site and not into the type of books or audios that I write and self-publish. I’m trying this new venture with the intention of getting my e-books out to a more interested audience.
        With the new group, I plan to have conversations about current topics and what a reader enjoys when purchasing a book. I’m hoping this new niche will find many interested readers and new members.
        I was recently published by Romance Divine with my new title Silk Stocking Serial Killer. This title has a little of everything in it; romance, suspense, lesbian, action and thriller. Below is a blurb and where Silk Stocking Serial Killer can be purchased.
New Orleans detective Angie Fallini was going on an undercover assignment that could only be her sexy fantasy come to life. She and luscious law-enforcement colleague Mandy Macquire were to pose as lovers at a local club. Danger was everywhere, with a serial killer on the loose, and the passion and heat between Angie and Mandy ready to erupt into flames..

The following book can be found on Amazon.com Kindle Books, Barnes&Noble.com, Allromanceebook.com, Kobobooks.com, Bookstrand.com and Romance Divine.com.


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

5 Things Authors Miss on Their Tax Returns by @EMLynley

In my real life I’m a tax and finance professional, and I’ve been sharing my knowledge with other writers for the past three years in online workshops. I find many people have the same problems and questions year after year. 

Are you making these mistakes?  If so, you’ll find ways to solve these problems (and more) in my book Tax Tips for Authors 2014. (Available from Amazon, B&N, iTunes, Smashwords, AllRomance/OmniLit and in print.)

1. Calling your hobby a business – or vice versa

Tax Tips for Authors 2014
The IRS has a pretty strict line between hobby and business, because businesses get to write their losses off against other income (W-2 or investment income) which lets them lower their taxes. To be considered a business you need to have profits in 3 out of the past 5 years. It you’re having more years of losses than profits, the IRS may want you to prove you’re a real business, which means show that you are trying to make money. They look at the ratio of expenses to earnings and the type of expenses you claim: advertising and other promo help you, but travel to conventions may hurt you if you’re not earning enough to justify the expense.

Businesses that claim to be a hobby are seen as avoiding self-employment tax, so if you have increasing hobby income, the IRS may force you to file Schedule C and pay SE tax. Make sure you classify your writing correctly.

2. Not filing quarterly estimated tax payments

This is one of the most confusing aspects of self-employment and for authors it’s even more complicated: earnings and expenses fluctuate wildly during the year. Some people just ignore it, then get both a big surprise balance due in April, plus a penalty for not paying quarterly. There are ways to avoid this, the easiest being to pay at least 110% of last year’s tax bill in quarterly installments. If you overpay, you’ll get a refund, but you’ll definitely avoid a penalty. I go over how to calculate the correct quarterly payments in my book, Tax Tips for Authors 2014.

3. Paying too much self-employment tax

How do you pay too much? By not taking all the deductions you can, and by not keeping a careful running balance of profit and loss during the year. You only pay SE tax when you have over $400 of profits, so if you can reduce profits (by increasing legitimate spending during the tax year) you can save some money.  Make sure to do a tentative P and L calculation in early December. It may make sense to register for expensive conventions early rather than waiting till January. Buy a new computer or pre-pay for advertising. Shift only planned spending rather than simply spending down your profits carelessly, so you can build your business rather than just avoid taxes.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Josie’s bisexual, but if her preferences were known, the female would win hands down in a romantic relationship. Tia is her main squeeze, but Tia believes she’s in love with Wade and wants to include him in a threesome with Josie. Will a threesome bring satisfaction to any of the participants involved, or will it be a short term euphoric ride playing games in the bedroom? Will be available at Amazon.com Kindle Books, Barnes&Noble.com, Smash

Recently, I started scouring the Internet for audio book reviewers. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Most reviewers will do e-books, or hardcover books, but it was difficult to find very many interested in receiving a free audio link and cover before agreeing to listen and give a review of an audio.

Since I already have 13 completed audios and another in the works, I thought it might be a great advertisement tool to attach an audio review to my books listed on the different sites.

I was lucky to find one that agreed to listen to two of my audios and asked me to send the link to the books and information on how to download said book from the sellers’ site. I’m waiting patiently for the results of this effort. Hopefully, it will be a good one to post and generate sales.

The other four reviewers that I sent to haven’t returned an answer whether they would be interested in doing a review, or they are too busy with other reviews to take on more.  I’m hoping I hear some positive news soon.

If anyone knows of an audio review site, please comment and list the site below my blog?

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Three at a time...

Now did your mind go into the gutter when you read my blog title? Naughty, naughty. I'm not talking about three lovers. I'm talking about three stories, going on at once. 2013 was a huge let down as far as my writing went. Too many personal issues made my muse run away and up until recently she's still been missing but not anymore. I swear i will never complain about having too many ideas ever again. That brings me to today's topic of three at once. I was asleep Tuesday night when i had this dream and i woke up extra early and ran straight to my computer. While i was typing that out another idea hit me, complete with the characters and I dropped down further into my open word document and made some notes on that.
Later i was in the car waiting to pick up my oldest when out of the blue another idea came along and smacked me upside the head. (I was on my tablet just browsing sub calls to pass the time when a continuation of a couple i just mentioned in passing in a previous story hit me) So here i am today while the kids are at school hammering away on three short stories all at once. I work on one and when the idea there runs out I switch to the next document and so on. My mind is getting a bit crowded at the moment and last night I took to writing things out in one of the handy notebooks I keep scattered throughout the house. Like I said earlier though, I won;t complain. After being empty headed for som long the wild ideas flowing through my brain are a welcome takeover.
I'm curious as readers do you ever read more then one book or story at a time, like flit back and forth or just focus on one until it's done?
Authors-Do you write just one story to the end before you move on or are you like me with a massive case of writer ADD and multiple characters and storylines going at once?
Post here and let me know.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Stamp Out V. D.! Dreading Valentine's Day

I know people who dread Valentine's Day.

They're divorced. Or widowed. Or married to asshats. Or they can't find anyone to date who...

1) doesn't have a criminal record,

2) doesn't have a batshit insane ex-wife or ex-girlfriend,

3) doesn't have a knuckle-dragging loser ex-husband or ex-boyfriend.

(Numbers 2 and 3 will tell you all about their ex's. Endlessly. Through the main course and dessert all the while not asking you about your life.)

4) doesn't have a sexually-transmitted disease,

5) doesn't have a regular job that pays real money,

6) talks endlessly about their crotch fruit,

7) hates snowflakes and then finds out you have two,

8) hasn't showered in days,

9) has Borderline Personality Syndrome or is otherwise bonkers (Guys are always told "never stick your dick in crazy." Women should abide by the same rule using their body parts.),

10)  is a cheapskate.

I could go on.

Some view Valentine's Day as a commercial nightmare created by the restaurant industry and greeting card, flower, and candy companies to guilt-trip you into parting with your hard-earned money. They have a point. I happen to like Valentine's Day, but I'm also married to my soul mate. My son gets silly gifts from  me on Valentine's Day like a chocolate heart from the local beach candy store and a plush kitten.

What's the deal with plush toys on Valentine's Day? There are lots of puppies, bears, and even monkeys. No cats or kittens. I had to turn the town upside down before I finally found a cute little plush white kitten in its own Valentine's Day bag that said (groan) "You're the cat's meow!"

I couldn't resist. I bought him one.

I figure every day should be Valentine's Day. Why wait until one day each year to buy fancy chocolates and flowers for your true love? Dinner and a movie shouldn't be a once-a-year event. Doing fun and tender little things year round keep relationships from going sour. I've been told numerous times by people in long-term stable relationships as well as people whose relationships have gone down in flames to not take your partner for granted. I don't subscribe to John "Mars/Venus" Gray's pop psychology crap. I like what John Gottman had to say about relationships that stand the test of time, namely what they avoid. Gottman's theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive and thus are the four predictors to a divorce: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Among these four, Gottman considers contempt the most important of them all. I like to celebrate my marriage every day by doing little unexpected things that cement our relationship. My husband does the same thing. We're still going strong after 20 years, so we must be doing something right.

Back to Valentine's Day being a commercial racket. In many ways, the critics are right. Some men in particular resent Valentine's Day because they feel they're guilt-tripped into spending lots of money for what they see as worthless crap. They want payback, and they got it.

They created Steak and BJ Day, which is exactly one month later on March 14.

March 14 is also my birthday. But that's another blog post. LOL

Look for a BIG SALE this week. From February 12 through February 17, I'm lowering the price of my two fairy tales "Trouble In Thigh High Boots" and "Climbing Her Tower" to 99 cents for Valentine's Day. Go to the links below to take advantage of the sale. The links are for Amazon US but the books will be available at other outlets including Smashwords and Amazon UK.

Trouble In Thigh High Boots - Erotic Puss In Boots
Climbing Her Tower - Erotic Rapunzel